How to Deal with A Teen Who is Smoking

A minor who smokes is not likely to walk right up to their parents with a cigarette firmly between their lips. Just because a parent doesn't see their teen smoking doesn't mean that they don't have a smoking habit. Parents need to talk to their child about smoking and watch for signs that they are smoking. Smoking can be a strong temptation for some teens, especially teens that have friends or family that smoke, and even though cigarettes aren't supposed to be sold to minors, teens are still able to get them.

The First Reaction

You have just found an empty packet of cigarettes in 15-year old Anna's bathroom cupboard! Shocked, you are ready to confront her and demand explanations. But before you do...

• Respond do not react. A reaction is immediate, but a response is well thought and planned.
• Analyze what concerns you most. The fact that your daughter smokes, that she has kept it from you, or the reason she has picked up the habit? When a Parent Judges, the Child Justifies and this does not bring you closer to getting her to quit. You might have greater success if you adopt the Adult role and Reason with her.
• Do not trick or corner her into coming out with the truth. Plan the words you will use, practice an even tone and then tell her that you found the cigarettes in the bathroom. Ask whether they belong to her. If you are calm and expect her to be truthful, chances are she will be. Even if she is rude or lies about the cigarettes, work through the issue. The goal is to get to the root of the problem and encourage her to quit.

Why does Anna smoke?

Is she being pressured at school? Is she not doing well at school? Does she suffer from low self-esteem? Are there problems at home? Are you nagging your child over trivial matters instead of getting to the root of the problem.

If your answer to most or all of these is 'No', then a possible reason Anna smokes is that she wants to appear 'cool' to her friends. This requires a different approach.

If the answer to any of these is 'yes,' then you have at least found your direction. You will have to uncover her fears and problems layer by layer, until she is comfortable with herself and does not need cigarettes as a crutch. This is easier said than done. It takes time. There will be setbacks. Anna may not want to talk or she may not tell you the truth each time you do talk. Avoid confrontations (I know you smoke - how dare you?), threats (There will be no more allowance until this stops!), pleas (don't you think you could give up just for my sake?) and moralizing (is this how you behave after all we've taught you?). Remember, a teen is a child trying to learn how to act like an adult, so treat her like an adult. Reason and talk with her like you would a friend. Treat the issue as something that concerns both of you deeply, not as 'her problem.' You are not adversaries, you are in it together. Together, the two of you might just win the battle.

Tackling the Situation

Teen smoking is a huge problem with teens, especially girls, who are lighting up younger and younger. The mix of tobacco and parental and social disapproval is too much to resist. Telling them to quit and showing them the dangers probably won't do much good, because it will only make it seem more exciting. Preaching to them would probably just make them continue to hide it from you. The trick is to address the problem in a way that will help them stop smoking immediately, especially if they are in their early teens.

Most commonly, teens smoke because it is a 'cool' thing to do. However, a large number of young people are now aware of the dangers of smoking and try to quit for several reasons including their health. Asking anyone to quit smoking won't work until they want to quit. As parents, we have our work cut out for us finding out what will motivate our teens to quit smoking.

Clearly, there is no single path to overcome the problem and find a solution. How you handle the situation will depend on your relationship with your teen, what strategy you employ, and what works best for your teen. But whatever you do, assure her of your unconditional love and support. They may not admit or even realize it, but all children need that structure and support at home. They depend on it.

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Turn-About Ranch is a working cattle ranch with programs for troubled teens that differs from typical residential treatment centers for troubled teens because it values action not just talk. The Ranch takes defiant teens out of their comfort zone and gets them excited about the natural environment, learning, and their physical and mental capabilities. They learn that, in the real world, rewards come through dedication and hard work. Turn-About Ranch has been featured in several European television series, including Brat Camp. To learn if Turn-About Ranch can help your teen, call 866.858.4883 .